May 23, 2014

What Does That Mean?

I do believe we left off last time with the screen that said Pregnant.

I think I was stunned. Even after being convinced I was pregnant for weeks I was stunned. Could this really be true? Could we really be so blessed to be so pregnant so soon? Were we sure that the pregnancy test really knew the truth?

So I walked back into the bedroom test in hand, but keeping it pretty concealed. I slipped it under my pillow and slid into bed. I had no idea how I would tell Kyle. Maybe I could plan something. Maybe I could wait. But then I guess I woke him up, because he got up to go to the bathroom. And it was that moment that I realized I'd left the box and instructions all laid out in the bathroom!

So he came back to bed and I snuggled up next to him, and I figured I'd wait for him to ask. And he did. Kyle asked "so did you remember to take the test?" I replied "yep." And he continued "And?" And then I got all excited and said,

"And we're going to have a baby!! ... I think."

I was so excited. He was too. Of course he kissed me, and then we talked about how we could know for sure. Was this test the confirmation we were looking for? Why did we still second guess things? Was it because last time we got this test it didn't promise us a baby in this world? I don't think so. I think we just wanted to make sure somehow that it's not any kind of weird post-pregnancy thing happening.

We're excited. But more so I'd say that we're very ready to be really excited... if that even makes since.

Today we had a busy day. I made a friend take a picture of us at the wedding we attended so we could have a picture of the day we found out that baby number two was on the way. Even if we weren't quite yet convinced.

March 24, 2014

Today I picked up the phone to call my baby doctor. I felt the same way I felt when I was picking up the phone to call a boy in high school to ask him to one of those girl asks the guy dances. Oh I was nervous.

I dialed the number and my good friend picked up. She's the girl that works the front desk at the office and I only really know her from the office. But she was always so friendly and she was so very sweet when I came in the office after we lost Hannah. And she answered and I wanted to make sure it was her because I was so excited to tell her. I said something like 'so I think we're pregnant, I got a positive pregnancy test yesterday...' and she screamed! Then she helped clue in the other girls in the office and they were so excited for us. I reminded her that we weren't sure yet, but that's why I was calling. She asked how we were doing and I told her we are doing very well. And I assured her that even before this news, that we were doing very well.

And I think that for me that's important. My healing after Hannah is not the result of another pregnancy. My hurt will not disappear when I hold another baby in my arms. But as the Lord has given us strength we have begun to heal. The Lord is my stronghold, He will never be shaken. And I think that helps, because even if we aren't in fact pregnant, or even if the very same thing happens again, the Lord is not shaken. My reason for healing is not gone. And somehow I think that's a big thing. My hope is found in nothing less than Jesus Christ, His Righteousness.


We got an appointment made for a few weeks out and then the nurse asked me to come to the office today for blood work. As I was leaving the office I asked what the blood work was for. I hadn't had this test with Hannah, and I was wondering why this was happening now. They said the test was a quantitative hcg test and a progesterone test to help confirm and date my pregnancy. Made sense to me. With all these post-pregnancy hormones there's no telling when we actually got pregnant...

But now I wait. I already even checked the online lab results portion of the patient portal website. No results posted yet. I know they said it would take one to two days, but man I'm antsy...

March 25, 2014

They haven't called yet. I checked the website again. Not that they would post the results before they called me, but I almost want to just call them to check. But I know they are busy and they would call me when they could. And they may not get the results until tomorrow anyway. But maybe I could just call real quick. No. Just wait...
I checked the website one more time just in case.
I just jumped when my phone rang. It was my friend Elizabeth. Poor thing I probably sounded disappointed or distracted when she called. I wanted to yell "I could be pregnant, I'm so excited, but I'm going crazy waiting for them to call!!!" But I didn't. It's just me, Kyle, and the medical people that know right now... well, maybe at least the medical people know...

Please call me, k thanks.

Okay so I just saw a new tab on the online chart. It's called "Chart Access Summary" Yikes! They have a record of how crazy much I've been checking this chart since yesterday! Oh man! I guess now that I know they're tracking me I'll have to stop checking. Oops. Or maybe they'll see that I'm crazy anxious and just call me. Oh, now I got an error about chart access... is it because they think I'm crazy, or is it because they're entering new data ?!?! Okay, it's true. I am crazy...

Maybe I'll just call them and ask if they're going to call me today or tomorrow. That way if they're going to call tomorrow I won't stare at my phone in a trance all day... Okay, I won't call them.

(Less than 5 minutes later).

They're calling!!!!

So the nurse from the baby doctor office calls. She introduces herself and I'm thinking 'yep, I know who you are just cut to the chase.' And she tells me that my blood hcg level is 183 and so I'm clueless. So I was glad it didn't take her too long to say 'which means that you're about 1 week pregnant...

Me: (They're calling!!!!!) Hello, this is Brittany.
Nurse: Hi this is Nurse from Baby Doctor Office. I'm calling with your lab results.
Me: (Yes!! Tell me already!!) Oh okay. Great. (as I spring out of my office so I can actually talk back to her on the phone.)
Nurse: Your blood hcg level was 183.
Me: (What does that mean?!?)
Nurse: ...which means you are about 1 week pregnant.
Me: (What does that mean?)
Nurse: No wait,
Me: (What?!? What are you saying no??)
Nurse: Sorry, that means you are 2 weeks pregnant.
Me: (What does that mean?) Oh okay.
Nurse: And so your progesterone level was 26.
Me: (What does that mean? )
Nurse: ... and we like it to be above 20 so that's good.
Me: Great.
Nurse: So we also want to repeat these tests again tomorrow so we can compare.
Me: (Is there something wrong that you aren't telling me?!?)
Nurse: Is that okay, I can have the form for you pick up and bring to the lab tomorrow if that's okay?
Me: Yes... business talk, business talk... I have one more question. What does it mean to be 'two weeks pregnant?' Like is this two weeks since conception or two weeks 'pregnant' which would mean like 0 weeks since conception since pregnancy is measured from the time of the last period?
Nurse: Oh, two weeks since conception.
Me: Oh okay. Great. I've been wondering. (I'm so glad I asked because I would have googled the heck out of that question had I not asked.)
Me: Thanks.

The odd part is that she didn't say 'congratulations' like the lady did on the phone last year. I'm not sure if they're just being gentle with me because of what happened with Hannah. But I can't help but wonder why this time I'm going in for all these tests and repeat tests when last time they just said 'okay we'll see you at 8 weeks.'

I'll ask them next time I talk to them. Maybe it's because they want to make sure to have the correct date. I hear after stillbirth sometimes they induce early as soon as they think the baby could be ready. Once they know the lungs can breathe. I guess they need to make sure and get the date absolutely correct if they're planning an early delivery.

I want to run to Kyle and yell 'yay!!!' but I'll refrain. I guess I'll have to wait until 5 to tell him in person...

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