Pink Hydrangeas

We have been blessed by our community in so many ways in the past year. Often times there is no note, there is no name left to tell who did such a wonderful thing. This one means more than he or she even knew. So if you are reading this and it was you, I want you to know how much you blessed this momma. Thank you.

March 27, 2014

After the drive home from work, I pulled up to my house and I saw a beautiful pink hydrangea on my front porch. It was bright pink, a most beautiful pink, and it was planted in a bright yellow pot, the perfect yellow.

A wonderful song was playing in my car and I started to cry. I saw that there was a note beside the plant and I knew that a friend had brought it to us. I got out of the car and stared at the plant. It was absolutely beautiful. I looked down at the note and I scooped it up and brought it with me back to the car. I let the music play as I slipped open the note and read it quietly.

The note was not signed. But it was a recognition of our Hannah. It was a recognition that it has been 100 days since Hannah was born. I quickly checked my calendar because all this time I had been thinking that day was tomorrow. I counted each day by hand and I realized that my counter has been wrong. Today it's been 100 days. One hundred days of grieving and praising the Lord for our Hannah.

Of course I was crying and then I realized. Today. Today we found out we're having another baby. And today is 100 days since Hannah. It's like the Lord was reminding us of his goodness, of his sovereignty, of his delicate, detailed, intentional planning.

We look to the future while of course remembering the past. I don't believe we'll ever really stop grieving. I can imagine when we hit milestones of our other children how we'll remember our first baby girl. I think about how you won't see Hannah's name on any program, she won't be listed in the bridesmaids or the groomsmen of her brothers' or sisters' weddings. When we take 'family' pictures and people comment on our beautiful family, I'll always know one is missing.

But today I rejoice in the news that I get to be the mother of yet another precious child. And I pray constantly, earnestly, dearly that I get the pleasure of holding this one in my arms while he or she is still alive. I long for the day that I have a child who can look into my eyes.

Today it's been one hundred days. Oh how we have seen the Lord's goodness.