I Promised You Details

Baby Hess Number Two.

I can't stop smiling.

But I can smile and type at the same time, and I did promise you details.

I've got the beginnings of this wonderful story written down to share soon. You know I cannot stay away from the keyboard so easily when I feel like I have so much to say. It's been killing me that I couldn't share our news sooner. I've been writing about the joy of this new wonderful baby, but also the realities of pregnancy after losing your firstborn.

But today, for those of you with a certain kind of questions, I did want to ease your worries.

1. We are excited to be pregnant. We really are. This is not a bad thing, it's not bad timing. It's very, very good. It's a wonderful thing. It's perfect timing.

2. The doctor said it's okay. There was no known cause for Hannah's death other than an umbilical cord accident. There was nothing we could have done to prevent it, nothing we could have done to cause it. The doctor said that my body still works well, and she cleared us to go on to have many more kiddos. She told us to wait a few months and we did actually. We waited until March and turns out we got pregnant real fast. (We know that's not the case for many, so we count ourselves truly blessed.)

3. There's not really any increased risk that we'll have another still birth. Because of the way everything happened, it was truly 'accidental' and not related to any other health conditions. That doesn't mean we're guaranteed a healthy baby, not at all, but the doctor says there's no reason to worry.

4. Either way, pregnancy will be a bit different. Even finding out we were pregnant was different. The doctor had multiple tests done to make sure we had a healthy pregnancy way before we got the 'yay you're pregnant' memo. We've been told we'll have more monitoring this pregnancy, but it all depends how things are going.

5. Just because the doctor says not to worry, doesn't mean we don't. Right now I really am footloose and fancy free. But when we talk about 'the pregnancy' it's harder to say 'the baby' and 'once the baby is born...' just because we know that a pregnancy doesn't always mean you get to hold your living baby in your arms. I'm sure once we close in on 38 or 39 weeks (if we are so blessed) that I will get quite nervous. But we're already praying for that time.

6. We are still celebrating. One of the things I loved most about our pregnancy with Hannah was that we didn't wait until she was born to love her, to talk to her, to tickle her, to tell everyone all about her. We love that our friends and family threw showers in her honor because those ended up being the few parties she'd ever have. I want to celebrate our new little guy (or girl) all along the way too. I know that many people handle pregnancy after loss with great care in keeping the pregnancy a secret for a long time. I know some people need that. For us we need the opposite. We need you to know. We need you to celebrate with us. For us it would be harder to go through any other loss without our friends and family, because you all were such a support to us with Hannah.

7. We are not forgetting Hannah. We would not be able to even if we tried. We were at a wonderful place in our grief when we found out about the new baby, and I am very glad. I don't feel guilty for loving another child 'so soon' because I think we had gotten to a place of acceptance in our grieving. I also know that many may feel healing only 'because of' a new baby', and for us that wasn't the case entirely. Our healing was from the Lord. Even if we lose this new baby, we would be heartbroken but not lost because we still hold fast to our Lord. He is never failing.

8. A new baby does help some though. Part of the pain from losing Hannah is missing her specifically and mourning the loss of her. But some of the pain was not getting to be parents, not having children of our own to raise. So yes, the idea that we're getting a second chance to be parents is wonderful.

9. We pray we get to keep this baby alive, but we know that the Lord has not promised us that. We don't somehow 'deserve' to have a baby because we lost Hannah. Our God is good, baby or not. Even if the very same thing happens all over again, the Lord is still sovereign and still good.

10. We're out of our minds excited and I want to share every detail with you all! And if you know me at all, you know I will. We are up here in Colorado now, so I'll try to keep the blog as updated as I can. But yes, I have lots to tell.

The Lord has promised good to me,
His Word my hope endures,
He will my shield and portion be,
As long as life endure.

Even if his good looks very differently than ours, our God is very Good.