It's a Real Thing

So yes, I'm home to the wonderful world of Texas.

And yes, I'm pregnant.

So although each year I return to our home ready to get the house 'back into shape' and work on all those house projects I've been doodling about all summer, this year let's just combine that with NESTING.

It's a real thing.

But we have friends (who we love!) staying in our guest room/ nursery for the summer and as planned they're still here. But now it's like when you want a chocolate cupcake, and you don't have one so you think 'oh I'll just eat this Hershey's kiss and that'll do'. And then it doesn't 'do' so you think I'll just have this chocolate pudding, and then I'll just have these two Oreos and some milk. And then 700 calories later you realize that you're going to actually have to go get a chocolate cupcake or you'll eat the entire house.

Well I've got a mother-nature-induced will to clean and prepare the baby nursery. So while I wait for the room to clear, I find myself going 'ooh I'll just stain the gazebo and retile the bathroom and clean every shelf in the entire refrigerator by taking it apart and soaking every piece...'

Luckily (other than the fridge) I put all those plans on hold. I did get out and wash and de-leaf the gazebo. And I did hang the fancy patio lights I got for my birthday, but I've got to wait until I fix the screen on the gazebo before I spend any mosquito-free time out there.

I did find a way to sneak into the nursery and do a few things...

I have the task set ahead of me of rebuilding the nursery. IT hasn't yet been used and so I won't want to change much. There's a part of me that wants to keep everything the same forever, but then there's a part of me that knows I do want to change out the roses on the wall for our baby boy.

So while I'm not repainting the room or buying all new things, I will be making a few changes to get the nursery ready for baby Hess number two. The roses on the wall and the picture of my grandmothers in swimsuits will probably need to go. Unless of course they're like a pin-up girls which seems wrong in more ways than fifty thousand.

So let's just say I've got a few projects going and I'm real excited to share them with you in the next few weeks.

Until then, Happy Labor Day Weekend! I hope you get to spend time with the people you love doing the things that make your heart most happy.

Twenty Five Weeks: Consumed with Love

August 24, 2014

Twenty Five Weeks

Little Tiny Human,

It's been two hundred and fifty days since I held your sister in my arms. Interesting thing is, today marks one hundred days until they say I'll be holding you.

Life is kind of wonderful like that. The day we found out for sure you were inside my belly it had been one hundred days since Hannah. It's the little happenings of life falling so perfectly in place that you just know they must have been perfectly designed by God.

It's funny too because that's how I count my life right now. Every day since I said goodbye to your sister is a big step, it's a sign of where we've all been and how far we've come. Some days floated by and some days I fought for. But as the days get closer I start to count them by you... how many days until you are here.

So today as the sun set and the air cooled just a bit, I took you out to your sister's grave. You've been there before and I'm sure you'll be there many times again, but today it was special. I wished so hard that you could have met her; I wished so hard that I could have met her. And then although I didn't think I would, I stood there and cried because although I know you will bring us great joy, I wept as I remembered that it will be quite a long time before we, our family, will all be together again.

I love you more every day. I love her more everyday too somehow. It's funny how every piece and part of my heart can love her and still have room for you. My greatest fear is not losing you, but not having anywhere left in my heart for you. But the truth is that each day you fill another piece of my heart that I thought was already full. How can my heart be so very consumed with love?

I guess we're just that blessed.

I can't wait to meet you, but surely I already love you,
Mom

Twenty Four Weeks: Love Extra

August 12, 2014

Twenty Four Weeks

Little Tiny Human,

Today I put on my heels and I went back to work. You'll notice it's really the only time I wear anything close to heels except of course when your daddy and I go on fancy dates and I dress up all pretty.

Everyone at work was so impressed with you. They were all "oh look at that belly!" "little man inside!" and talking cute baby talk to you. I'm sure you heard them, I hope you loved it. I loved it. I'm proud of you already.

People are extra kind today most likely because they remember your sister. There is no doubt that people may love you extra because of Hannah once you are born. I surely will. As much as my heart still beats for her every day, I have all this pent up baby love that I'm ready to spill out on someone. So when you're eighteen and I'm bawling as you leave for college and saying sappy things like "I love you baby!" while your friends are around. Remember, it's just because I love you extra.

I do, I love you extra.

Now I have to go put my feet up because although your sister kindly spared me of swollen feet, you, you sir have not been so courteous since we hit the heat of Texas.

Love extra,
Mom

Twenty Three Weeks: Wiggle

August 8, 2014

Twenty Three Weeks

Little Tiny Human,

Today we had to leave your daddy behind to finish camp in Colorado and you and me, we took an adventure. We adventured to Texas, back to my work at the school, back to the other house we call home.

Today you got to ride on a plane for the first time.

Of course the airport made me nervous with you in my belly going through security with all the scanners. I walked through real fast so maybe you won't grow extra toes or anything. You made me a little sick on the flight, there were times that I double checked that I had a little airsick bag surely. Let's be honest, there were times I double-checked that both me and the lady sitting next to me had airsick bags because I thought I'd need both. But then I got to sit there and feel you wiggle and kick and move all around. It made the flight 'fly' by.

I love when you wiggle.

No need to stop.

Ever.

Love always,
Mom

Sneaky Grief

July 7, 2014

Grief is sneaky.

On a day that is filled with life there are sometimes little reminders of death.

They hide in the corners and crevices and they slip out when they're least expected.

Like in the middle of an act where your husband is dressed like a Russian gymnastics coach and is sporting the worst but best mullet wig since mullets were real. After laughing until you hurt at kids twirling and dancing and making jokes that only they understand. Sometimes a little girl comes on stage.

And sometimes she dedicates a song to her dad. And sometimes it's the very same song that your husband and your only daughter ever danced to.

And out of the crevices and corners the grief comes. Sometimes slowly one tear at a times but sometimes like a floodgate burst open.

You look around the room and find a way to escape before anyone notices.

Because you didn't think it would happen today, at least not right in the middle of the camp talent show.

But that's grief sometimes. And sometimes you wish it away. And sometimes you let it stay, because it reminds you that you mourn over the loss of something so very wonderful, someone so very beautiful. And then you don't mind.

But still, there was no warning.

Oh, sneaky, sneaky grief.

Take Off

A few months ago on Facebook all these little comic strips started popping up. I noticed that the characters in the comic strips actually looked like the people who were posting them. After much googling I found the little app that makes these funny comics.

Yep, I know it's not really "cool" anymore, but on occasion I take my phone out and open the app and giggle. I made a face for me and one for Kyle and sometimes they're just funny. And then sometimes they really do make sense...

This one makes sense for this week.

I get on a plane at the end of the week and head back to Texas. Goodbye Colorado, oh how I'll miss you.

So this will probably be the only blog post this week, I'll be living it up camp-style and soaking in every last moment.

Then I'll return to the world of real internet and post more pictures than you probably want to see from the summer.

I'm (almost) ready for take off...

Twenty Two Weeks: 24 Hour Vacation

July 31, 2014

Twenty Two Weeks

Little Tiny Human,

Today I woke up in a giant snuggly bed next to your daddy in a hotel with air conditioning and I thought about you. I slept in extra late as I thought about next year. Next year our twenty four hour vacation will probably not include sleeping in. That will most certainly be your fault, but I'm okay with that. I can guarantee if you're here there will most certainly be more snuggling!

See every year your dad and I try to take 24 hours off from camp right in the middle of the week. You'll laugh at us someday because we do silly things like get excited about sleeping in king size beds and snacking at Dairy Queen and dinner at Chili's and watching way too much cable TV. Yes, these are all things we have at home in Texas, but here in Colorado it's a luxury.

Someday you'll see. Twenty four hours is all we need, then we return to the beautiful mountain life that I hope someday you fall in love with.

Love you,
Your now very relaxed Mom