Twenty-Seven

Today I turn twenty-seven.


And twenty-five seems like a lifetime ago.

The day I turned twenty-five they called to tell me about the tuberculosis.

The day I turned twenty-six I told some of my dearest friends about our new baby on the way.

And today I turn twenty-seven.

I feel much older today. I feel that if the numbers on the cake said thirty-six I would believe them.

When I stand in front of Hannah's grave I just don't feel twenty-seven. When I consider everything we've been through since December and all the things I've had to learn and do and think, I just don't feel like some young girl in her twenties.


But, then, sometimes I do.

Today I ate donuts for breakfast and made my husband wake me up with singing and candles.

Today some wonderful friends called me and sang to me over the phone. I haven't seen them in a while so it made me cry in the very best way.

Today one of my girlfriends decorated my living room and is picking me up a real Great American Cookie Company cookie cake with my name on it. Because I love cookie cake more than most vegetables, even if I am a dietitian.

Today I'm wearing a dress to work and my hair is all crazy and curly like I love it.  It's not a blazer or dress pants, but it's my birthday and I can.

Today if I was still in my hometown, I'd still call my name in to the local radio station to see if I could win a prize. And if I still had my luck from way back then, I'd win it.

And thinking about all those things, all of a sudden I feel more like thirteen. Oh thirteen when I ran around New York City in my new vacation clothes like I owned the place.

Or like five when my brother and I had matching cakes and a joint birthday party in our back yard. Or like eight when I had my party at Skate City and I fell on my back and it knocked the wind out of me, but it didn't stop me from riding in that giant birthday skate all around the rink. Or like sixteen when I told my friends to bring icing and candy to my party so that we could build tiny tiki huts before we went swimming in my parents' pool. Or like twenty-one when my brother threw me a surprise party and made me play pin the tail on the donkey in his apartment kitchen at college.

There is something so very special about birthdays.

I am still so very blessed.

Blessed beyond my wildest dreams. I have the most wonderful family, I have the most wonderful memories from growing up the way I did. I truly have the most wonderful husband that I could have ever imagined, and I tell him all the time "I just can't believe Kyle Hess married me!?! Oh I'm the luckiest girl in the world!" I have the most wonderful community that has loved me so very well over the past few years and especially over the past few months when I needed it most.

I know a God, the God of the universe, and I know the height and depth of his love more deeply than I ever thought I imagined I would at twenty-seven. This year of my life has been so very full of blessings, even if they came in the most unexpected packages.

So today I'm twenty-seven. A fun mixture of thirty-six and thirteen, but still a wonderful twenty-seven.