Apr 18, 2014

New Things

It's hard to know when it's okay to talk about new things.

Last night I rode the riding lawnmower for the first time. I remember riding my dad's lawnmower with him when I was probably only five years old, but this time it was just me, looking like a maniac woman driver scooting around our yard on our latest craigslist find.

Last night Kyle cleaned out the gutters and repaired the fence. Kyle asked for me to take a picture of him on the roof cleaning out the gutters, and of course, I did because he's so very handsome, even on a roof.

But it's weird to write about the day to day things. It's strange to think that gutters are as important as grief.

But somehow I think they are. Somehow I think that repairing the fence after a long hard winter is a picture of how we're also repairing our hearts.

That fence works better now than it has since we moved into the house. It took the creaking and almost crashing of the gate for us to think to work on it. But it works better now.

The gate is now easier to open for us, but it is also easier to open for any uninvited guests trying to get into our back yard. There's less hassle. So much so that we'll have to make sure the lock is in place now.

And it reminds me of my heart.

My heart is so easily opened to love now. Hannah taught me how to love so deeply. The Lord taught me how He loves me despite the circumstances, in this crazy way, with peace and joy and compassion and understanding and the truest of loves. Many things are very precious to me now and my heart opens quickly.

But sometimes, like the gate, I feel like I need a lock now. I wish I was stronger at times when my heart breaks so easily, I wish I could hold back tears as well as I once could.

But maybe, just maybe my heart doesn't need a lock. Maybe it's okay to love without regard for heart break. Maybe that's what Jesus did, knowing the people he came to save would crucify him. But then maybe he knew the power of the resurrection and he did it anyway.

Maybe to love with risk of heartache is a great kind of love.

Wise men say,
Only fools rush in.
But I can't help,
Falling in love with you.

And then I realize that they will all be new things. But that doesn't mean the old things are any less important.

So we're cleaning the gutters and we're fixing the fences, and we're loving well.

And, you know what, I don't mind it.

It is a very Good Friday.

But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. - Romans 5:8

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