Cracking Myself Up

Taking a quick break from our Labor Day weekend recall, because I had to share this; it has nothing to do with the house or taking pictures or anything of the sort, but well...

See sometimes there are those time when I wonder, "is this really happening to me?" And yes, yes this is my real life.

So I have a friend with chickens. She gets eggs from the chickens and I think that's great. Kyle and I have thought about getting our own chickens someday for the very same reason. But today this friend is out of town, so she asked friend number two to collect the eggs for her. Friend number two left town today... so she asked me to collect the eggs.

Sure. Free eggs. No prob...

By the time I got to her house it was 7:45 at night. Which most times of the year (the last 6 months) means it's still light outside. Today it was dark.  Once in her backyard, I had no way to turn on the flood lights, I had no flash light other than my little phone. And there were chickens.

So I opened their little gate and walked right in. Then the chickens appeared. And I had been told that the chickens were actually scared of people, so they would run away from me... if not, that I should just stomp my foot and they'd go away.

Yep. Worked about as well as hitting sticks together to scare off mountain lions (Parent Trap anyone?). The chickens did not run away, they RAN AT ME! Three chickens in the light of the moon chasing me in a confined area. I was stomping and making noise and jingling my keys and dancing like a fool, and they were getting closer!! See my mom has this big 'ole fear of birds that I've never understood until now; she tells stories about when her grandpa's chickens would peck away at her legs and feet. So all I'm thinking is "THESE CHICKENS ARE GOING TO MAKE ME BLEED!" and no one will even know to come save me.

So I hopped over the fence as high as a white girl can jump over a fence, landed sort of on my feet, and I was out of there. No eggs. Sorry friend with chickens, I don't know if those eggs will go bad...

It was a crazy night, but it didn't stop there.

So I called my mom to tell her the story, like only she would understand it, as I headed to Walmart to get my groceries. I was distracted and on the phone and as I hung up a large can of tomatoes rolled out of my cart through the hole where children's legs are supposed to go through. I didn't see it and somehow the can hit me as it squished between the Achilles tendon of my left foot and the front of my right foot (the opposite of the Achilles tendon, where it's hard to shave sometimes) as I was walking. Worst pain of my life. I almost hit the floor and then remembered I was in a public place and so I didn't scream my head off. I held on really tight to my basket for a really long time and hobbled past the baked goods.

I'm not sure I'll every recover. I have the pain tolerance of a sissy girl.

I got to the check out and as I went to pay I realized I had left my wallet in my car, you know because I forget everything nowadays. And so I told the cashier and she said, "well if you run really fast I'll keep checking you out." Did she not see the large can of tomatoes that killed my legs?! But it was my only option.

So I ran my tail off: out of the store, through the parking lot and back. I was pretty fast I think, but when I returned to the register panting and huffing she said, "Don't worry I didn't have to wait too long." She was nice, but really? I RAN.

The night ended with me trying to carry all my groceries and work stuff into the house with one arm as to not have to make two trips from the car, so I'd consider it a success.

I love my life. Wouldn't trade it. But sometimes I even shock myself...

Have a great day. Maybe befriend a chicken... maybe not.