These are the moments that have made up the last two months of our lives. As the Lord has taught us, I have been writing. It does me so much good to put into words what the Lord is teaching me or what I am feeling as we go. If at times it sounds like I'm preaching to you, it's more than likely not the case; but I had to write it to preach to myself. To have something to read and remind me of what this was like, when I feel as if I've made no progress at all, it helps me to read about the past. When I forget the goodness of the Lord, it helps me to read of his blessings.
If you'd like to read more about the story of our Hannah Grace click here.
December 28, 2014
I went into the nursery to start to pack away the baby things into our storage boxes. I walked in so strong, but very soon I realized that I wasn't ready. I walked over and picked up a teddy bear made specially for me. A dear friend made a beautiful bear for me that weighed exactly 8 pounds 3 ounces. I picked up the bear and I could remember what it felt like to hold our baby girl.
I sat in the rocking chair in the nursery holding that bear and I cried. I miss my sweet girl. I wanted to love her, I wanted to watch her grow up, I wanted to rock her in this chair, I wanted to play with her in this nursery. Although our lives may be filled with more babies in the years to come, none of them will be my sweet girl Hannah Grace. I’ll never get to know her how I once longed to. I never saw her smile. I never saw her eyes, oh I bet they were beautiful, just like her.
The packing will have to wait. Today I get to sit in the rocking chair and hold the teddy bear and cry and remember her. I will cry and mourn and be comforted by our Lord, and today that's okay.
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