Mar 25, 2014

A Good Season

I continue to share these memories, because I want you to see how every day the Lord has made us stronger in Him. Some days it's five steps forward and some days it feels like fifteen steps back. But the Lord has never left us, never forsaken us. Oh how the Word is so full of truth, we are blessed to see His truths lived out daily. These are the memories.

If you'd like to read more about the story of our Hannah Grace click here.

January 14, 2014

Today it’s been four weeks. Today is Tuesday. Hannah was born on a Tuesday and I wonder if or when there is ever be a Tuesday when I don’t think of my sweet girl.

I don’t know whether four weeks constitutes a month or if I’ll need to wait until the 17th, but I’m remembering her in a different way today. I remember her as I celebrate the fact that we’ve made it this far. That it’s been four weeks since her birthday and we have not fallen apart yet. I keep remembering in the hospital, in the tears of the night, in the moments before her funeral, Kyle and I kept telling each other, ‘I know we’re going to be okay. I know we’re going to make it. God is good.’ And here we are making it with the Lord as our strength. Here I am packing up the nursery, throwing away the funeral gift flowers, packing away the Christmas tree and thinking about my sweet girl.

Not that there’s a good season to lose a child, oh, there is never a day for that kind of loss. But Christmas is a good season. We lost our sweet baby girl and then a few days later celebrated the birth of our Lord. We filled our house with love and presents and Christmas decorations and we loved one another. We mourned while we ate our way through gingerbread cookies. We took our time to grieve as the world took their Christmas vacations.

And then the new year came, this time with even more hope. We were surrounded on New Year’s Eve by the family of friends we have here in our little town that filled our hospital room just a few weeks prior. The ones that hugged us and held our hands and cried with us and brought us meals. The friends that came over even though it would be awkward, even though the night could end in crying and the visit filled with discussions of loss and grief. As the clock turned to midnight we welcomed the new year. It was a new year, a year when our baby didn’t die. It felt good to watch the year end. And now there’s a freshness in the air. 

We are working on getting back to our new normal. As the world makes resolutions and goes on diets and makes exercise plans, I put on my shoes and I walked just a little. All by myself, I was so proud. There is a warmth to the air that I cannot remember any other January, like the Lord reminds us that spring is coming and that the cold of winter will soon be gone.

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