Whatever I Want

March 27, 2015

I need to remember this moment.


My kid is asleep.

It's no where near my bedtime.

I'm not holding him.

He went down without a fight.

No one else is home.


I can do whatever I want.

I'm sorry, maybe you didn't hear me: I can do whatever I want!


Yes we have piles of laundry and stacks of dishes and I could tidy up the house or workout or do all of the things I feel like I am supposed to do.

But tonight is not about that.

Tonight I don't have to do anything, tonight I get to do anything.

Don't get me wrong. I love being a mom to this kiddo. I love it even more than I ever thought I would. When he decides to nap for 4 minutes without me holding him I actually miss him until he wakes up panicked without me. After a long two hours of sleeping in his crib at night I love hearing the sigh he lets out when I feed him or seeing the huge smile on his face in the morning when I go in to pick him up.

I love him.

But let's just say that 'Lincoln only naps on Mommy' and 'Lincoln wants to stand or sit all the time when he plays but can't stand or sit on his own' is getting a little crazy. Do the math, think about that real quickly: if I hold him while he naps, and I hold him up while he plays, then when exactly am I not holding him?

When?

Right now!

I know it'll be a matter of minutes or hours before he needs me again, and I am so very glad he will need me. And I know I'll cry when he leaves for college or when he goes to kindergarten or well, when he goes to the church nursery for the first time. But right now I'm sitting in my living room typing on my laptop with two hands and it feels so very wonderful.

So just in case you've wondered where I've been, wondered why I seem to always be on Facebook but never on the blog or always taking adventures with my kid but never doing laundry... well it's because holding a baby I only have one free hand and Facebook on the phone takes one finger, while typing takes two hands. Adventures help my little guy learn and well if he's awake we might as well be having fun. And let's be honest, he hasn't quite mastered folding a fitted sheet yet so he doesn't help with laundry.

I love being a mom.

I love being his mom.

But right now I love that I'm sitting in my living room alone... but with a little video monitor by my side so I can sneak a peek at Lincoln whenever I want. I can be away from him, but I will admit I'm not quite ready to be out of 'monitor' range yet.