Feb 24, 2014

His Mercies are New

Today I want to start to share with you the moments that have made up the last two months of our lives. As the Lord has taught us, I have been writing. It does me so much good to put into words what the Lord is teaching me or what I am feeling as we go. If at times it sounds like I'm preaching to you, it's more than likely not the case; but I had to write it to preach to myself. To have something to read and remind me of what this was like. When I feel as if I've made no progress at all, it helps me to read about the past. When I forget the goodness of the Lord, it helps me to read of his blessings. 

If you'd like to read more about the story of our Hannah Grace click here.

This first one was written at six in the morning while still in bed the day after Hannah was born. The Lord blessed me with some of His perspective that day, I am forever grateful that we will always think of our Hannah as a true blessing. Some of the words may be familiar as I used some of them to write Hannah's story, but I believe they are still good words. This is my testimony that truly his mercies are new every morning.

December 18, 6:22 am

There are moments, pictures, feelings that I will most certainly never forget. The last two days are now full of them. Ingrained in my mind is the picture of the ultrasound machine when Dr. Willis described our sweet baby girl. She said, ‘and this is her heart,’ and the little flutter of life we had seen before was gone. It was so still. And then all at once I knew. She didn't have to say any words, I could tell by her eyes when they turned to look at me and I screamed. The agony in that scream I'm not sure anyone will ever forget. I remember the sound of my mother’s scream when they came to our door in the middle of the night to tell her my grandfather had passed. It was the same sound, except that it came from a mother this time for her sweet baby girl. The girl that literally consumed her for the last 40 weeks, that kicked and rolled and brought so much joy to her hart. The baby girl I'd read about and researched for. Loved. I screamed and soon I yelled 'are you sure?' in desperation that this wasn't happening. I just kept screaming. Kyle and I held each other and the screams turned to sobs and acceptance. But I'll never forget that moment in time.

That moment is one that over the past few days has immediately brought me to tears no matter what else there is to consider.

But this morning it is different and I am grateful. I wake up joyful because we were blessed with her. Our sweet little baby Hannah Grace. I have tears in my eyes but a smile on my face thanking The Lord this morning for so many other precious moments. I got to love her every day from the time we knew she was created. We didn't wait to love her. I am so grateful for that.

I got to give birth to her. Although my legs were numb moments before I got feeling back when it was time I to push her little body. I got to give birth to my sweet baby girl. I felt her head coming, I knew when she was out. I was able to stare into my husband’s eyes smiling because we did it. We gave birth to her, together.

Immediately they placed her on my chest and I felt her weight, her warmth. I could finally hold her and touch her and smell her. I've never seem something so beautiful: her tiny hands, her little feet, her sweet face, that little nose. Oh it felt like she needed me, like she knew me, like I was holding the sweet baby girl I'd known inside for months. Kyle and I just kept looking at her every little part and detail and smiling and saying how perfect and beautiful she was. I kissed her head, her skin was so soft to my lips. Oh the love and joy in that room.

This morning all I can do is smile, grateful. Her daddy's face when he first saw her, I am grateful. Oh The Lord is good to us.

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