Lincoln: Five Months, Honestly

Today I'm going to be honest with you.

 

I forgot to write about my son turning five months old.

 

I guess we were busy with Easter and travelling and packing for Colorado. I'm not sure of my other excuses. I promise to someday write all the details about when little Lincoln boy was five months old. But I can't find my notes. All I know is that he weighed 18 pounds 5 ounces and that he hadn't started solids yet. I know he was chunky and I know he was quite immobile, couldn't sit up yet, but still made us smile ALL. THE. TIME.

 

So I thought, 'well I could make something up, or I could just tell the truth.' So here it is.

 

 

Five Months

"April 5, 2015"

 

Little Buddy,

 

I love you.

 

Tell the truth always. If needed, follow Grandma's advice and 'if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all.' If needed, substitute 'true' for 'nice' in the previous sentence and that'll do.

 

I love you.

 

I just spent more time loving you this month than writing about you. Enjoy the pictures. I'm sure you won't be this tiny forever.

 

Love always,

Mom

 

Lincoln: Four Months

Four Months

March 2015

Little Buddy,

I can't believe you're four months old.

I can't.

I know that I'll probably say this with every month and every year that passes, but you grow up so fast.

But you really do.

This month you are busting into the six to nine month clothes. It is ridiculous the way your feet stretch the little bottoms of the footie pajamas. You have more rolls than a sushi bar and every one of them at some point in time has been filled with lint. I don't know how, it just happens.

At your four month check up I asked the doctor about the red skin under your neck. He informed me that it's what they call "fat baby neck rash" or in other words it's when slobber gets stuck in your chin rolls and can't get out. It's true, Little Buddy, you're growing.

You weigh seventeen pounds and you're so strong. You have the best smiles in the entire world and you look so proud of yourself when mommy or daddy helps you 'stand up tall.'  You still wear Size 2 diapers at night but I'm pretty sure if we had any Size 3 that those would fit much better. You wear cloth diapers during the day and someday you'll either think your parents were crazy or cool for that.

Your friend Max was over the other night and you and Daddy were playing. That's when you had your first laugh. I stepped out of the room for only a moment, but rushed back in when I heard. Little Buddy you have the very best laugh. Even if you do give yourself the hiccups every time you try to laugh, and then get frustrated because the hiccups won't go away.

Technically, we didn't know this the day you turned four months old, but I'm writing this a few days later: You don't have VLCAD.

Forever you'll have a tiny scar on your left forearm to remind you of the testing and the poking and the prayers. Forever, I'm sure, we'll tell the story of how your saints of a mother and father woke you at all hours of the night to feed you. I'm sure at every birthday we'll draw out the story and make sure you know how much we really did love you from the start. But I do hope I remember and am always grateful of how healthy you are. I won't easily forget the tears I cried and the prayers I prayed over you. I won't easily forget the relief when we found out you were just a carrier of VLCAD.

I pray that there are lots of stories. I pray that there are many more to come. I pray that there will be trials and triumphs that will draw you nearer to the Lord every day. I pray that you grow up to tell the stories of the Lord's faithfulness in so many areas of your life. I pray that you know the Lord loves you.

I do. I love you.

You and your neck rolls and your three chins and your hiccup laugh.

I love you, all of you, even your one VLCAD gene and all the sleep it cost me,

Mom

Lincoln: Three Months

Three Months

 

February 2015

 

 

Little Buddy,

It seems we finally have a routine.

After all the traveling and all the transition, here we are. In the day it's just you and me. I take more pictures than I do showers, maybe even 100 to 1. But you know what they say, 'a picture lasts longer than a shower.' Or maybe they don't say that at all...

You are getting bigger. I heard Daddy call you his 'little buddy' one day and it just stuck. I stopped calling you Little One and now you're our Little Buddy. It fits because you seem more every day like a little boy than a baby. You're growing so fast I think you're almost to 14 pounds and we're breaking into the 6 to 9 month clothes at an alarming rate.

It is true, you are the happiest baby, smiling when I sing or change your diaper. Yes, you smile most when I change your diaper. Your dad and I sometimes call it a 'reset.' You'll be all fussy and we just have to lay you on your changing table and out come the smiles.

Your dad has taken to making silly faces and dancing and singing for you. He can make you smile more than anyone. There are times when I catch you staring at our front door, almost as if you know that at 5 o'clock your daddy is going to come walking through. I think maybe you think Dad just sits on the other side of that door all day, hiding.

Just like Mom and Aunt Payton, you love looking at yourself in the mirror. It makes tummy time quite simple because you are completely content laying on your stomach as long as you can see your own face.

Really the only time we find you fussy is when you wake up from a nap too early or when you poop. We talk about poop a lot it seems. And yes, we talk about naps all the time. We're working on naps in the crib but you still prefer moms arms. Right now you sleep great at night in your own crib, in your own room, without a pacifier even. We still swaddle you, we even had to buy a larger swaddle, but you love it. I will say that we 'say' you're a good night sleeper, but we are still waking you at night.

We wake you as we wait for your skin biopsy results to return. "One gene at least" they said, and now we wait to see if you actually have VLCAD or not. I may have freaked out a bit over your skin biopsy when the scab got caught in the gauze, but so far the biopsy site is healing nicely. They say the scar will fade.

We did start putting you in cloth diapers and I'm certain that someday you'll think we're either really weird or really cool when we tell you that. Who knows? The culture seems to swing there and back and well so far the diapers seem to be working for you.

You made me smile in the best way when I took your three month pictures. Sometimes I forget how big a blessing you are and then God reminds me. There you were laying on our bed when all of a sudden something caught your eye. You wouldn't smile at the camera for me, but you saw our Hannah bear and your face lit up. I'm sure you had no clue what it was, but God reminded me of the sweetness of you. You'll always be her little brother, whether you realize it or not.

But yes, we are back to the day to day. It's time for real life now. The days of you and me, Little Buddy. I cannot wait to take you on adventures and see what the days will hold.

Love you always,
Mom

 



Remembering October

Today is October first. The entire fall season seemed to sneak up on me this year.

I will admit, however, that my grief didn't sneak up. It rolled in a bit early and filled my thoughts more than I'd imagine almost two years later. Someone told me they were thinking of our Hannah the other day and my reply back was a thanks and simply that 'yes, me too, a lot lately for some reason.' I don't know if its the cooling weather or the return to our home here in Texas. But that sweet girl has been on my mind.

And now it's October and October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. While I don't have any new stories for you today, I would like to invite you to read the stories I was so blessed to share here last October. They are all written by those affected by loss, and they are beautiful stories of the Lord's goodness.

It has been my joy to get to know some of these mothers a little better over the last twelve months. And it has been my great joy to get little messages from those who have been so blessed to have new babies, one of which was born just last night. How perfect.

So if you didn't catch them last October or simply wanted to read them again, here they are.

October

In the Presence of God: Catherine Causey

Hartley: Madison Dumas

Twenty-two Years Later: Brandie Grant

Harper: Amber Roberts

In This Storm: Cherish Montgomery

John Carter & Elliot: Katie Bryant

Fear Does Not Hold Me Any Longer: Katie Haley

Bryant Cole: Molly Brown

Amathyst: Celimar

Back Further Than Nine Weeks: Christy Cash

Even Nine Months Later

And mommas (and daddies) out there, those who have shared your stories and those who have not, know that this momma is praying for you today.