Is there a better name for Pregnancy Hormone-Induced Emotional Mess?

Pregnancy hormones are making me crazy. One minute I'm all sappy staring at my toddler and the next I'm snapping at my husband because, get this, he was ready to go to bed. (Sorry Kyle!) Y'all I even asked him to try to consider my feelings when he decides it's time for bed and makes me feel like a child. It was like an hour and a half past our normal bedtime and I was falling asleep on the couch and I needed someone to tell me to go to bed... maybe it was hormones and tired. Who knows?

But this go around pregnancy has been pretty simple. I kind of know what to expect in most departments. The doctor's appointments are not new, the eating recommendations are old hat (I've been avoiding raw cookie dough for like three years now), and I'm even pretty good on the 'guess what size baby is this week' game.

But some things are different too.

Of course I now have a toddler to chase so my days of sitting on the couch making Kyle bring me bon-bons because I'm 'with child' are over. I spend quite a bit on energy shielding my belly from my wrestling toddler and of course there are times when I get a bit more winded and have to tell Lincoln that Mommy has to take a break from our dance party.

But there's a little thing that I wasn't expecting: all the emotions.

I found myself crying the other day, like sobbing, over nothing. As I tried through the crying to figure out what made me start crying in the first place I ran through a list of things that could make me cry. Which, of course, then only made me cry more. I missed Hannah, I was worried about how I'll love Lincoln when there's two kids, and how is this Colorado birth really going to go. I was all confused and all exhausted and feeling all the emotions and my sweet boy was hiding playing in the back room with his trains.

I thought maybe I needed more sleep, or a hug from my wonderful husband, or a tickle from my little guy, but really I just needed a bit of Jesus. I needed the sweet reminder that the Lord has everything under control, no matter what it was I was even crying about in the first place, he's got it. He even knows why I'm crying, which is great, because that makes one of us.

I went to Jesus and was reminded of my dependence upon Him. Mostly I was reminded of every expectation that he exceeds, every promise he fulfills, every sorrow that he knows and understands.

Easter is coming. And it's more than Peeps and egg hunts and tiny adorable plaid shirts (although I'm sure we'll have all those things and more). But it's the reminder that I need Jesus. I needed Him to die and rise again to save me, I continue to need Him daily to live in such a way that people see more of Him and less of me.

Even if the only person that sees me someday is my kid. Because, really, he needs to see Jesus in me too.

Eventually I quit sobbing and started praising the Lord, which then led to more sobbing, but happy sobbing. And then I found myself in church on Sunday singing His praises again, and right there in the middle of everyone I was sobbing again. I cry because I know His great love for me, I cry because I remember the loss and the pain I have been through, I cry because I am grateful for the healing He has provided and continues to provide daily.

I am grateful for my Lord. The whole world around me can fail, but my Lord will not forsake me. Even if my world is not really failing, because, like I said, I'm not even sure what I was crying about anyway...