Thirty Six Weeks: Happy Birthday Lincoln

November 4, 2014

Thirty Six Weeks

Little Tiny Human,

Happy Birthday.


I've been waiting.

I've been praying.

For longer than you know I've waited to hold you in my arms and I've waited for your eyes to look back into mine.

And today, today you woke me up so very early in the morning. And without words you told us you were coming. Last night your dad and I talked about the month to come as we imagined the next four weeks waiting for you. But you came today.

Today I held you in my arms and I fell in love with you.

Happy Birthday my sweet boy, you are everything I've waited for, everything I've prayed for, everything I pleaded with the Lord for in the months that have seemed like years of waiting.

I'm not sure you'll ever understand how many places you fill in my heart. I'm not sure I'll ever be able to explain the healing you have brought to our home. You will forever be Hannah's little brother, and that means more to me than you will ever be able to comprehend.

"In my distress I called upon the LORD; to my God I called. From his temple he heard my voice, and my cry came to his ears.
2 Samuel 22:7

I called out to the Lord and he heard my cry. You, sweet Lincoln, just like your sister, you are picture of God's goodness and his grace, his never-ending never-failing all-consuming love, his perfect plan.

Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.
1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

I have prayed without ceasing, and today I cry out to the Lord in thanksgiving. For I have spent months rejoicing in my suffering, and now I rejoice in the life that you have been given, the opportunity that I have been given to love you every moment of every day.

I pray for you today, sweet Lincoln. First that you will know the Lord, that you will know his great, great love and that you will accept his love and salvation and spend your life following Him. Second, that you would be safe, that I would never lose you, that you would live a most healthy, long life, and honestly that I would never have to bury you. I don't think my heart would make it.

I pray for the wife you will someday fall in love with and marry. I pray for the friends that will influence you more in your teenage years than I ever can. I pray for your summers in Colorado, that you would enjoy the adventure and not hate us for taking you from your friends every summer.

At night I quite often pray that you'll sleep well. I pray that you'll stop crying. And then in the silence I pray that you'll make a little noise so that I know you're still breathing.

Today I fought for you. I became your mother and I made sure the doctors and the nurses were taking the very best care of you. When they wouldn't let me hold you I held your tiny little hand and when they wouldn't let me feed you I begged to be a part.

I'll always be there. I'll be there so much for you that it'll be embarrassing sometimes I'm sure, but I can't help it.

I'm your mother.

I'll always want to hold your hand and be a part of your life. I pray, even today, for the day that I'll have to let you grow up. For the day my heart will break just a little because you won't be my little baby anymore.

But today's not that day. Today is your birthday. And I won't let you grow up just yet.

Love always, more than you will ever know,
Mom