A Mix CD, of All Things

I'm the girl that listens to the Christian radio station almost exclusively. Except for long car trips and when I play lots of Adele on Pandora when I'm painting furniture, my radio stays dialed in to the Christian radio stations. Yes, even through the share/donation phone drives, I'm that girl.

I used to drive an hour to work and I needed something uplifting for that hour. As much as I love to hear a strong voice belt out about a broken heart and a rotten man or something, that wasn't the way I knew I needed to start my day.

And before Hannah was born I listened to the songs. I was looking to make a list and so as I heard songs play I wrote down every song that I could play through labor helping me through the contractions. Turns out I didn't need them so much for contractions, I needed them for my heart and soul when they told us our sweet girl was dead.

In the weeks and months that followed this music has been irreplaceable to me. Sometimes more healing than anything else for me is music. Once we returned home I listened to those songs over and over. Songs about the Lord's goodness through suffering, songs about pain and hurt but also hope. I love to listen to words about my Lord. I love to hear the words of a song and realize they express exactly what I do not have the words yet to say myself.

A few days after we got home one of my dearest friends made me a CD. A mix CD of all things, and it turned out to be such a blessing. My friend has wonderful taste in music, but I'm not quite sure how she found songs so perfect for what I was feeling and what I needed to hear. I don't know if she listened to every word of every song or if she just prayed and the Lord took care of the details.

Sometimes you need a song about suffering, about crying out to the Lord when you don't know how to go on. Other times you need to hear a song about how the Lord stands even when we are weak. And then sometimes you need songs about how the Lord has called you for a purpose, about how we can sit in our misery or how we can be changed for his goodness, for his glory.

These songs are all those things.

I would recommend sending a CD to a friend you know who may have gone through such a loss. I would have never thought about it. But it has been a most wonderful gift of time with the Lord, time for mourning, and time for healing.

Today I especially love one in particular on that CD. The songs is Called Me Higher by All My Sons and Daughters. Here's a link to the song on YouTube, feel free to listen, please do. Really, take the time to hear it. This song reminds me that we all have been called for a purpose. I get so excited every day to see what the Lord will bring us.

One of the artists of that song David Leonard said this about that song:

Being swayed by our emotions won't last long, because there will be things in our lives that will cause us to come off those high moments. God calls us to and designed us to have those moments and those feelings. At the same time, we have to stay grounded and rooted in what we know is true—God and His Word.

I agree.

Scriptures for Our Loss

God's Word, the Bible, is the truth I hold on to. It is the only ultimate absolute truth in my life. As someone who thrives on facts, I love that I can refer to God's Word and know it is true. When my feelings may be lying to me, when my heartache screams lies, I know I can hold fast to the truths I find in scripture.

These are some of the verses that I held onto when we lost Hannah. Some you know I had on my mirror before we lost her, a testament that the Lord really had prepared our hearts, he had already filled our home with truth for us to return to.

So today I'm sharing these with you. There are many more I'm sure. Feel free to leave a comment with a verse you'd like to add. And of course feel free to share with someone who may have experienced loss, and if you do, tell them there's a lady in small town East Texas already praying for them...

The first were the ones on my mirror...

John 16:33
I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.

Psalm 91:2
I will say to the Lord, "my refuge and my fortress, my God in whom I trust."

Jeremiah 31:25
I will refresh the weary and satisfy the faint.


And then the ones the Lord brought to us in the days after we lost our girl...

Philippians 4:6-8
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.

Romans 5:1-5
Therefore since we have been justified by faith we have a peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.

Psalm 46:1
God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.

Lamentations 3:22-24
The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end, they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. "The Lord is my portion," says my soul, "therefore I will hope in him."

Isaiah 9:6
For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given; and the government shall be upon his shoulder, and his name shall be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.

Romans 12:12
Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.

1 Thessalonians 4:13
But we do not want to be uninformed brothers, about those who are asleep, that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope.

Psalm 94:19
When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought me joy.

Romans 8:28
And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those called according to his purpose.

Romans 8:18
For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing the glory that is to be revealed to us.

Romans 8:26
Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words.

Isaiah 40:31
But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not faint.

Jeremiah 29:13
You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.


And not that there is a promise of life to come, for we do not "deserve" a healthy baby simply because we lost our Hannah, but these I hope to cling to if we should ever get pregnant again. To know that even if we lost another, that the Lord would protect my soul.

Psalm 16:8-11
I know the Lord is always with me. I will not be shaken, for he is right beside me. No wonder my heart is glad, and I rejoice. My body rests in safety. For you will not leave my soul among the dead or allow your holy one to rot in the grave. "You will show me the way of life, granting me the joy of your presence and the pleasures of living with you forever.

Psalm 91:4
He will cover you with his feathers. He will shelter you with his wings. His faithful promises are your armor and protection.


I pray that you never know of another person who experiences loss, I pray that no one ever has to lose their little baby again. But I know all too well that they will. So I'm already praying for those you may share this with.

If you found this because you have been through loss, I'm so very sorry, but know that there is someone who has been through it before and has come out on the other side and counted it blessing. But if it's too soon to see the good, I pray that you have room for your tears, and that you have very very soft tissues, and that you have lots of friends and family to hug and cry with, and that you have His Truth to cling to.

Numbers 6:24-26
“The Lord bless you and keep you; The Lord make His face shine upon you, And be gracious to you; The Lord lift up His countenance upon you, And give you peace.”’

We Talk About Her All the Time

March 22, 2014

Last night I spent some time with a few of the ladies I am so very blessed to call friends. We sat on the couch and ate yummy things and talked about life and family and God and friends. We watched funny videos and we talked about what makes us laugh out loud.

The kiddos in the house went to bed one by one. Except for the tiny little newborn in one of my best friend's arms. I soon held him and stared at him ooo-ing and ahh-ing over how absolutely adorable he is. He is the definition of adorable, and poor thing has the cutest sad face I've ever seen: lip turned under, little chin quiver. It'll break your heart or make you laugh, depending on your previous mood I'm sure.

The little guy stared to cry and I handed him back to his mom. She calmed him down and he looked over at me with his beautiful eyes.

And then she said to that little man,

"That's Brittany, that's Hannah's mom. You know Hannah. We talk about her all the time."

My heart swelled and I think pretty quickly I changed the subject because I didn't want to have a full fledged breakdown in front of an entire room of ladies.

But I don't think she could have said anything more perfect.

Nothing could have blessed my heart more. "Hannah's mom" ... "Hannah. We talk about her all the time."

The Lord is good with the little ways he blesses us.

First Christmas

March 7, 2014

Today I was looking at old pictures from the summer.

I saw the pictures from our Christmas in July up at Ute.

And then I got teary eyed. And a smile spread across my face. Because all this time I thought about how our sweet baby girl never got to spend a Christmas with us, not while we were pregnant, not in this world.

And then I realized that she did.

Our Christmas at Ute was her first and only Christmas with us. Surrounded by people we love, people that loved her. A dear friend even made up a gift that morning for all three of us. A sweet handmade frame just for our little family.

Today that made me smile.

Oh how the Lord surprises us. Sometimes with tears, sometimes with smiles, but always with joy.